Before getting married, it is essential that you first discuss some things with your spouse to avoid problems once you are married. Not knowing what is happening or why you and your spouse are not getting along in marriage can hurt you. Sometimes people get into marriage before asking each other some difficult questions. Maybe because they are shy, they do not want to offend each other, or perhaps because they want to keep that romantic mystery going on.
If you fail to deal with issues before marriage, you will be forced to deal with them in marriage, and you may end up feeling disappointed with each other. Asking essential questions will help you avoid conflicts in marriage. You will both discuss all the details that need to be discussed before you make that lifelong commitment and ensure that you are compatible.
Why It Is Important to Ask These Questions
To Learn More About Your Partner
Asking questions is a good way of getting to know about your partner and what they believe in. People have different beliefs, and if you get to know your partner’s perspective on some critical areas, you will be able to decide whether you two are compatible or not.
If you feel that your partner’s beliefs are very different from yours, you can discuss the way forward and how to deal with it before getting into marriage. If you feel that the differences between the two of you are huge, you will have time to decide whether to break up or proceed with the marriage.
To Avoid Surprises in Marriage
Conflicts in marriage occur because spouses disagree on some things. Get answers to your questions before getting married. This way, you will be better positioned to handle any issue that can bring conflict in the marriage because you have a better understanding of your spouse. Therefore, you will not get surprises about your partner and their beliefs that may anger you because you had already discussed it before.
To Reduce the Chance of Getting Divorced
Many conflicts can cause a couple to feel like they are incompatible and opt out of the marriage. Divorce comes about when the couple cannot agree on most things and feel unhappy and unable to proceed with the marriage. If you know your partner well enough, you will easily handle things that may be problematic in your marriage. Therefore, you will spend most days being happy with your spouse rather than feeling angered and unhappy, which may lead to divorce.
Divorce Rates in the USA
According to researchers, almost 50% of all marriages in America will end up in divorce. Divorce rates in America are going up day by day, and it is reported that in every hour, 277 divorces happen. The most common reason why most people are getting divorced is the lack of commitment to each other. The other common cause is too many arguments that stem from disagreements about various issues such as finances, family, and entertainment, among others.
With these statistics, we can conclude that knowing your partner well before marriage by asking them questions, can help reduce the high cases of arguments and thus reduce the high incidence of divorce by a certain percentage.
Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage
You need to ensure that you and your spouse are on the same page regarding finances. You must discuss money issues because they can bring a lot of tension and discord to your marriage. In this area, some of the questions you need to ask are:
- What is your take on debt?
- How do you handle the difference in the salaries?
- How do we pay bills?
- Would you prefer to share all the money or split it into separate accounts?
- What do you think about saving money?
- What is your take on spending money?
- What do we do if we cannot afford something that we need?
- Are you currently paying off any debt?
- How do we handle lending money to family and friends?
- Who will be responsible for handling money matters in the house?
Family and Children
Once a couple gets married, they may decide to move a step further and get children. Therefore, it is important to discuss matters regarding children to help each other learn more about the other person’s expectations on family and children. You could ask:
- Do you want to have kids?
- How many kids would you like to have?
- What if we are unable to have our biological kids?
- What difference will the children make in our lives?
- What is your take on adoption?
- How will you react when kids come about and require more attention, thus bringing a disconnection between the both of you?
- How would you like to handle vacations as a family?
- Which schools do you intend to take the kids to?
- How will you go about disciplining the children?
- As you ask questions about family, you can also include some questions about the extended family because they will be part of your marriage. You can ask your spouse these questions:
- How often are we going to be visiting your family or mine?
- How often will your family be visiting us?
- How close is your family?
- How often would you allow my family to visit us?
- Does your family have any history of diseases, and are there any genetic abnormalities in the family?
- How will you handle any issue between your family and me, especially conflicts?
- Would you be open to the idea of taking in any of our parents if they become ill?
The person you pick to marry must have similar goals and values as you. If you have similar goals, you will be better aligned, and you may get a chance of smooth sailing in your marriage. You and your partner will be each other’s biggest support. Therefore, it would be essential if both of you knew the hopes of the other person. It is very easy to attain your goals and enjoy them if your spouse supports you.
Spouses need to work together towards a common goal. Do not make the mistake of spending your life with someone who does not share your career goals because it may end up in divorce. Some of the questions you should ask your partner about their goals include:
- How will your career affect our family, especially where we live?
- Will both our jobs be able to sustain the family’s lifestyle?
- How will it work if one of us is unemployed?
- If one has a busy schedule at work, how will we ensure that we make enough time to spend with the family?
- Where do you see yourself in five or ten years?
- What are the goals and expectations that you have for your career?
- What is the impact that you plan to have in this life?
- Do you view your occupation as your passion?
- How much time will you be spending at work?
- How passionate are you about your career?
- Does work sometimes interfere with other aspects of your life?
- How do you feel after going home from work?
Marriage and Relationships
Your marriage will depend entirely on whether both of you are willing to put effort and work together to keep it strong. This is why you need to know what’s your partner’s perspective on marriage and relationships.
Before anything else, you need to ask them why they want to get into marriage with you. Most people are choosing not to get married nowadays, and you need to know why your spouse thinks it is important. Therefore, you will know if your partner is getting in it for the right reasons. You can ask your partner the following questions regarding marriage and relationships.
- How will the marriage add to the relationship?
- Are there any fantasies you have about what you intend to look for in the marriage?
- What does getting married mean to you?
- What is your love language?
- Would you prefer seeking the services of a counselor if we ever get stuck in the marriage?
- Once we get married, which areas do you expect me to change?
- What do you think about extra-marital affairs?
- If we fall out of love, what would you want us to do?
- How can we keep the love alive in the marriage?
- Are you ready to make some life changes once we get into marriage?
- What do you think is the worst thing about marriage?
- Are wedding anniversaries important to you?
- What do you fear most about marriage?
- What gets you excited about marriage?
- Would you be afraid to talk to me about anything?
- Do you have any doubts regarding our future together?
- Are you hopeful that we can pull through any situation in the marriage?
Conflicts in marriage are inevitable, but how you handle them is what matters. You must both find ways to overcome the hardships that will arise in your marriage, so as not to affect the marriage. Everyone has a different way of handling issues. That’s why you should be on the same page on how you will handle conflicts in your marriage. If you want to deal with a healthy relationship, you should ask your partner the following questions
- What is the best way to communicate with you?
- How are we going to handle disagreements in our marriage?
- Would you rather we discuss problems as soon as they arise or wait until they pile up?
- If we fail to get to each other during conflicts, will divorce be an option for you?
- If there were disagreements between your family and me, whose side would you take?
- How can I help you when you feel stressed?
Do not ask all these questions at once; spend some quality time with your partner before marriage to get to know them better by having these conversations. They will help you to be sure of what both of you want and feel. Once you get satisfied with the response, you can move forward and get married. If some things are not clear, ask your spouse for clarity first.
How to Ask Questions Properly
To Impress Him/Her
If you want to get all the answers to your questions, you need to know how to ask them properly. Your approach should show that you understand what you are getting into and that you are serious about marriage. If you ask the questions properly, you will impress your partner, and they will feel that you are interested in making it work.
Your conversations should always be respectful, and you should give room for discussions on issues that you don’t agree on regarding the marriage. Do not give up just because you disagree on some issues. This is an excellent time to impress your spouse by engaging in a meaningful conversation. Also, allow your spouse to ask you questions to get to learn more about you and your expectations about marriage.
To Avoid Making Him/Her Angry
You also need to be careful about making him/her angry when asking your questions. If they do not feel comfortable answering some of your questions, give them time and don’t push too hard. Make the conversations pleasant so that your partner will feel free to open up to you. If you make them angry, they may not want to answer any more of your questions. Don’t make it look like an interrogation, as this can also anger them. The process should be slow as you get to know each other more. If you hurry, you will not get the right answers, and your spouse will not feel comfortable answering all those questions.
No one wants their relationship to be based on disagreements and conflicts. Although asking questions is important, how you ask them is also very essential. Marriages are full of obstacles and hurdles; even those that seem perfect have their fair share of struggles. Therefore, as you plan to get into a long-term commitment with someone, take time to learn more and know about their expectations.